I’m trying to catch up on a lot of things I’ve meant to post, but didn’t get around to because I was in a bit of a blogging rut. So, like, months ago I put together a little zine with a bunch of clothes that I couldn’t afford, and then it sat in my notebook where no one could see it, because that’s what you’re supposed to do with zines, right? Anyway, here it is, finally making its debut! They were all clothes that I thought captured the vibe of what I wanted my summer to be. I haven’t bought any of the clothes, but my summer is going swell.
I really dig plaid skirts and black boots, and I really dig them together. I’m often trying to go for some kind of weird 90s schoolgirl/grunge thing–obvs this isn’t 100% pulling it off, but it’s the work-appropriate version.
I’m in one of those phases where I’m bored with myself and I want to try out a whole new style, so I think I’m gonna do one of those style manifesto thingies again pretty soon. I usually find, though, that when I figure out what I want (with fashion, my life, etc) I’m too afraid to try to pursue it, but I think I had a minor breakthrough this weekend and decided IT’S MY LIFE AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH IT, etc etc.
In that vein, I tried dying my hair red to take control of my life or whatever, but it barely shows because my hair is super dark/I probably didn’t saturate my hair with dye as much as I could. I wanted it to be like Emily’s hair from Skins:
Maybe I should get it professionally done? PERHAPS…
Oh hey, I have a blog? Ha ha what?? I guess I need to post more often. Lately I’ve been thinking I’d do more outfit photos again, because I’m trying to ~revitalize my style~ and by extension figure out who I am as a human being or whatever, so here are a couple pictures of me looking REALLY PUMPED to have my photo taken. Have I mentioned that I’m the most awkward person ever?
I’ve never been a huge fangirl of the Dark Knight Trilogy. I’m not saying I haven’t enjoyed the movies, but I kind of think all the hype around them has been completely overblown. Just because it’s a slightly more serious take on a superhero movie doesn’t automatically make it DEEP and DARK and AMBIGUOUS to me. Plus, I’m an ornery old lady and when hordes of people like something (except for, like, Harry Potter) I tend to sit in the corner and glower.
All that said, I enjoyed this film as much as I thought I would. It wasn’t a life-changing movie-going experience, but taken at face value it’s just a fun movie. However, the movie takes stabs at social commentary and some kind of deeper meaning than just being a superhero movie, so that’s how I’m going to analyze it.
First of all, despite many reviews to the contrary, I feel like this movie actually wasn’t dark enough. I thought that Bane was an appropriately badass villain, and with the weird mask-voice he was definitely off-putting and creepy. The first act climax where he and his cronies invade the stock market was actually pretty awesome. After that, though, things started to get kind of murky for me–I still don’t really understand what his purpose was throughout the film. He starts out terrorizing Gotham because he wants to destroy the class system or whatever, but then it’s revealed he did this all for ~love~? Huh?
When the movie starts to get into Ra’s al Ghul stuff, that’s when it loses me. To me, fear and darkness need to be rooted in something real. I’m not saying the movie has to be realistic, but the League of Shadows stuff feels so comic book-y and divorced from reality that I can’t take it seriously. Personally, I’m not worried about some people training to be ninjas in the middle of nowhere or whatever. I’m more afraid of a terrorist organization taking over a city and causing chaos, which I think wasn’t explored as fully as I wanted it to be. For me, Bane’s rule over the city was most frightening when they blew up the football field, killed the mayor, and trapped the police underground. After that, things get a little hazy. I’m not sure I fully understand why he tells the citizens of Gotham that one of them has the detonator to the atomic bomb. How does that tie in with his little speech to Bruce about how hope is what really drives people crazy? And then, after they take over the city, what exactly happens? I wanted chaos in the streets, not a bunch of anarchists putting people to trial while everyone else cowers in their homes. The whole siege over Gotham is strangely murky and ill-defined.
What I found really hokey is when the police officers are finally freed from underground and instantly there’s a showdown between the police and the anarchists. Did anyone else find the politics in this movie strangely conservative? For films famed for their ambiguity, I found this battle to be very black and white. On the good side, it’s the police; on the bad side, it’s the anarchists (who, while definitely going about things the wrong way, have a point about how fucked our class system is). That’s it? There’s no middle ground? Where are the civilians in this? Why are they only represented by a bus full of adorable orphans? Things should have been getting crazy, and I feel like this was kind of taking the easy way out. Also, I won’t even get into how that atomic bomb was still close enough when it went off to destroy Gotham, or at least, like, melt people’s skin and give them radiation poisoning forever.
But, you know, I know that I’m looking at this way too critically. It’s just a fun comic book movie, and Christopher Nolan is no genius. However, he’s really good at making blockbusters that aren’t totally insulting to people’s intelligence, and that’s something to be commended. In terms of things I liked, Anne Hathaway was actually super awesome and maybe the best part of the movie for me. I also thought the whole Robin reveal was kind of cool, but I think I’d like Joseph Gordon Levitt in pretty much anything. The ending was pretty satisfying as well; the super-super-serious Batman statue unveiling was lulz-worthy. I don’t know, I don’t have much more to say on the subject, but overall the film was fine. It was A-OK. Alright, bye.
Yay, Whatever #12 is up! Here’s a preview, BUT the comics are now located at a whole new section of my site solely dedicated to Whatever! It has a header and everything!! Super exciting stuff. Check it out at the following link:
Since I am now firmly, irrevocably a “twenty-something,” my life is full of “twenty-something” problems, aka they’re not real problems at all. Questions plague me everyday: what is the meaning of my life? What am I trying to accomplish? What does my future hold? Why can’t I ever seem to make it to yoga class, despite telling everyone I know that this week, no really, I’m really going to go? The answer to all of these questions, after great preponderance and thought, is I DON’T KNOW.
I seriously have no fucking clue what I’m doing with my life, and I spend way too much time thinking about it instead of, like, actually living it. Everyday I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I have a pretty clear sense of what I want to accomplish, eventually: I want to get somewhere with Whatever. I want to write a pilot I’m happy with, and write for a TV show. I want to finish Outer Space. Oh, and I want to live a life that’s worthwhile and full of love and all of that fun stuff.
But how to balance it? I feel like the thing at the forefront of my mind, all the time, is: WORK. WORK HARDER. YOU’RE NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH. I start to freak out – look at what people like Lena Dunham and Aubrey Plaza have accomplished, and they’re pretty much my age!! I’m only 23 and I’m already an over-the-hill failure! So the only solution, that I can see, is to work all the fucking time. Any free moment I have, I should be writing, or drawing. But when I think about doing creative things as WORK WORK WORK, suddenly it’s not fun anymore, and the reason why I wanted to do creative things in the first place is because they’re fun.
The other day I read this thing called “Craft is the Enemy,” written by comic book artist James Kochalka, and it totally blew my mind. What he’s saying is so true. I get bogged down all the time by feeling like I’m not good enough to be doing what I want to do. How can I finish an animated film if I’ve never animated anything before? How can I write a pilot without having written a pilot before? How can I do a comic if I’ve never done a comic before? (I think you get the idea.) This piece helped me realize: at some point, the thinking has to stop, and the doing has to start. If I think I have something somewhat valuable to say, then it’s not about the form, it’s not about the medium, it’s about expressing myself.
Anyway, I guess basically what I’m saying is I ordered The Cute Manifesto yesterday, in which this essay appears, and I’m super stoked about it. Oh, and I guess I learned a big lesson and I’m never going to over think anything again! Ha, yeah right. But I think being a twenty-something is about narrowing down the roads down which you will travel, until you hit the one road that’ll take you where you want to go. Until then, all you can do is keep moving forward.
(Okay, first off: I’m sorry I’ve been away from this blog for so long! There’s been a lot going on (full time job, screenplay writing, etc) but I’m back now! And I promise I’ll post more! There is also definitely a new Whatever coming soon, so stay tuned…Now back to our regular programming!)
I kind of hate when twenty-somethings try to talk about the big things they’ve learned about life, because everything is always changing. What’s true today is probably not going to be true tomorrow, especially when it comes to what I believe about my life. However, this doesn’t stop me from trying to figure things out pretty much all the time. I like to read books about finding happiness and practicing meditation and unleashing your creativity. I try to glean bits and pieces that I can apply to my own life while I try to figure out what’s going on. Even though I’ve always appreciated ambiguity and open-ended-ness in movies and TV shows and books, I have a hard time viewing my own life that way. I don’t like grey areas in my brain. I like to figure everything out logically. Point A must lead to Point B.
Because of this, sometimes I’m afraid that I’m better at analyzing stories than writing them. I’ve always been really good at looking at a script and saying, this and this doesn’t work, but this does; this doesn’t feel very justified; this character needs more motivation here. I think, though, when it comes to my own writing, I do way too much analyzing up front. This can occur in two forms:
1) Over-analyzing the fundamental worth of my story. If it sucks, is it worth writing in the first place? Why does anyone care what I’m thinking, anyway?
2) Over-analyzing the plot. I want to figure out the entire plot of the story before doing any of the meat-and-potatoes writing.
This all usually happens before I ever actually put the pen to paper, which, as you might be able to tell, is not very conducive to writing, seeing as not a lot of writing is involved. However, over the past year or so I feel like I’ve made huge strides in allowing myself to express myself creatively, and I thought, hey, maybe I’ll share those things here. At worst, it couldn’t hurt, and at best, it could help someone. Who knows. So, without further ado, Hannah’s Handy-Dandy Guide to Doing Creative Stuff.
1) If you start working on a project, eventually something will come of it – just go with the flow. Like, when I was first thinking about Whatever, all I had was a hazy idea about how I wanted to do an overblown-guilty-pleasure high school TV drama in the style of Gossip Girl. At first I was thinking it would be about a pregnant high schooler, and then it morphed into something about a performing arts high school with a bunch of over dramatic theater kids with active libidos. Then I realized that all of these ideas weren’t really true to myself at all. I scaled back, and started thinking about what high school meant to me in my own life. Then I scaled it further back and was like, well, a) I have enough distance from high school now to see what it meant to me, and what I really got from it and b) I’m still really young and this is the only period of my life that I have fully formed thoughts on at this point, so I decided to make the project a loosely autobiographical story about my high school years. After further hemming and hawing, I finally sat myself down in a coffee shop for a couple of hours and pounded out a pilot script. I wasn’t crazy about it, and did a lot of revisions. Then I visited home in Los Angeles and happened to pick up a comic called Hopeless Savages. I’ve always been casually into comics, but this sparked a huge obsession with comics for me, and I started reading comics all the time. I realized that making a comic is kind of like filmmaking for broke, antisocial people, so I thought I’d make a comic instead of trying to further refine this pilot script. I thought about making a graphic novel, and wrote up a lot of stories for that, but I wasn’t really feeling any of them. Actually, this is a good transition into another important thing I learned about my own creative process:
2) Break things down into small, easily digestible parts. I realized that when I started working on a big project, I’d get overwhelmed with all of the work I thought would be involved, and would shut myself down before I could even start. This was a pretty inefficient way to work. I decided that instead of doing a big graphic novel when I’d never done a comic before in my life, I’d instead do a web comic. Even after making this decision I continued to procrastinate for a long time, not feeling that essential connection to my story, and unsure what sort of style to use to draw the comic. Then, one day I was sitting on the train listening to this song when all of a sudden a scene popped into my head. Soon my mind was flooded with ideas, coming faster than I could write them down. I went home, sat down and banged out the first installment, deciding that just doing the damn thing was more important than sitting around, trying to figure out the perfect style or the perfect story. As I’ve been with the story longer and longer, I’m learning more and more about my characters and world every day. This all brings me to my third point:
3) Plant the seed, and the rest will come. I had to stop thinking about the story consciously for my brain to sort things out. Whatever I need is lying dormant in the recesses of my mind, and sometimes I can’t force it out; I just need to wait for the right trigger. Obviously, you can’t just sit around all the time waiting for divine inspiration, but on the other hand, there’s only so much logical thinking you can do. The value in a good story comes from its humanity and raw emotion, and that can’t be forced. I’m an overthinker, so sometimes it’s hard for me to let go and allow some feelings to get involved. However, on the other hand, this brings me to my most important point:
4) Put away the excuses and just do it. There are a million trillion excuses that I’ve used to keep myself from doing something: I don’t have the time, the money, the space, the talent, whatever. Eventually it all comes down to a very simple decision: either you do it, or you don’t. It’s not going to magically happen. Unless you somehow become a millionaire overnight, it’s highly doubtful that you will be in the perfect circumstances under which to work. You just have to put everything else aside and do it. Yes, sometimes this involves sacrifices. Sometimes this involves turning down things you’d like to do so you can get work done. It also means putting the perfectionism aside. Nothing will ever be perfect, and it’s better to accept that up front. I think that in the long run, it’s all worth it. I’m so afraid of another year passing with me looking back and thinking, what did I accomplish?
Really, as silly and cliche as it sounds, what it all comes down to is believing in yourself and your abilities. If I decided to become an ~artiste~ in the first place, I must have believed there was some value in the things I did. And if any of this doesn’t work in motivating me, I can push myself forward using my immense fear of failure. It all leads to the same end result, right?
So, I’m really lucky and have a ton of talented friends, and sometimes we work together. My awesome friend Holly is a senior editor of Paper Darts, a really cool literary/arts magazine. She asked me to do illustrations for her blog posts on Paper Darts, and the first article I ended up illustrating was about FAN FICTION, a subject near and dear to my heart. How near and dear? You will never, ever know. Anyway, check it out HERE!!!!!!. (Have I mentioned that Holly is hilarious and awesome?)
I’ve kind of been in a drawing rut for a while, where I kind of felt like all the girls I drew came out kind of flat and boring and without any personality. However, last night while I was listening to The Stooges and talking online with my sister I was hit with divine inspiration, of the fashionable sort, so I drew stuff. I’m pretty happy. At least these girls look like they have some kind of spark.
These couple of drawings are of outfits I’ve seen people wearing over the past couple days that I really liked. I added some rough color, because I thought that color kind of made these outfits.
These next couple sketches are girls from Zipper, my fave Japanese fashion magazine. I can’t even look at modern American fashion magazines anymore – everything looks so boring and samey. People in Japanese fashion magazines have unbelievable personal style. What I like about them is that they seem to showcase more street style shots than glamorous editorials, which I always find more inspiring. Anyway:
I’ve already been thinking about how to create my own versions of these looks with clothing I already own…we’ll see how successful I am. Alright, PEACE.